Sunday Mornings with Gabi

Early Sunday mornings are spent with Gabi in Starbucks. Papa with his tall cafe mocha and Gabi with his honey glazed doughnut. It's what Gabi calls a "boys only" meeting: no Mommy, no Bela, no yayas.

This weekly "chat" is something I learned from my own father. Though he was a very busy man, he made it a point to chat with each of us kids for one hour every week. And it was scheduled. And complete with an agenda, resolutions, next steps and timetables.

My chat with my four year old son is less structured. And it's a meeting that Gabi dominates. He sets the agenda. He does most of the talking. And he asks all the questions.

The conversation topics are varied. And many times profound. His queries admittedly baffle me from time to time.

"If junk food is bad for us, why do they sell it in the groceries?"


"Why are we celebrating (President) Cory's death? Is dying good?"


"So Papa, if God made everything ... who made God?"

I may not know how to answer all his questions but I always give him an answer in terms that he would understand. And when I don't know, I tell him that I will try to find out.

I love it that Gabi expresses his curiosity. And I encourage this sense of wonder in him by being there to try and answer all his questions. For just like with my own father and our weekly chats, I hope to be there in the future for Gabi to run to when the bigger questions in life arise.

For now, I'm just thankful there's Google to help me find answers to Gabi's questions!

Sunday in the Mall with Gabi

Gabi and I spent the whole of Sunday afternoon in of all places, SM Fairview.

It was definitely not our first choice of venue for our Sunday"Boys Only" pasyal. That would usually be Starbucks for breakfast, where Gabi would have his honey-glazed donut and me, my tall hot cafe mocha. He would bring an activity book and markers. I would read the papers. But we would always end up talking about Bela's latest antics or the newest Bakugan toy.

But not yesterday. Gabi and I decided to bring Patty to her free-range chicken raising seminar in far off Fairview and then just while the time in SM Fairview and wait for her to finish.

So for the next three hours, Gabi and I braved the Sunday mall crowd in SM... And survived!

I am not a mall person. Not by a mile. Unlike many who go to the mall to relax, a trip to the mall for me is to be avoided at all costs. And when I do have to buy something that can only be found in a mall, I make sure I go to the shop directly and head on home right after. No time wasted just walking around window shopping. The few times I am tricked to actually spend more than an hour in a mall, I impose the condition that I be allowed to just stay in a bookstore, preferably Fully Booked, and not be made to do the rounds of all levels of the entire mall.

I just can't stand the crowds, the sea of humanity that drowns the malls especially on weekends. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a financial crisis. It certainly doesn't seem so with the number of weekend shoppers.

The mall on a weekend is to be avoided like EDSA traffic on a Monday morning.

Yet there we were. In a mall that we'd never been to. On a Sunday too when everybody and his cousin are around.

And we survived! And okay, I admit it, we actually enjoyed!



I let Gabi decide our itinerary.

We went to Tom's World where Gabi rode most of the rides and played most of the games.

We munched on donuts and cotton candy and french fries.

We shopped for toys and ended up buying a pink Care Bear for Bela (Gabi's choice) and a Bakugan for Gabi (also Gabi's choice).

And all this time we were chatting. And laughing. And just enjoying the time together.

I guess that's why people go to the mall to begin with. To spend time with loved ones. To bond.
To spend quality time.

Even if they don't buy anything. Even if all they do is walk around endlessly.

So am I now a converted mall rat? Nah, but at least I know now that my last trip to the mall was not a complete waste of time.

From the Mouth of Babes

Saw this posted on the classroom wall when I brought Gabi to school this morning. Turns out they were asked the question yesterday, to celebrate Father's Day.

You know what they say: kids don't lie. I guess Gabi just loves me too much or he is just a bad judge of dancing. In either case, he certainly put a smile on my face this morning. Made me want to dance.

Father and Son Relationships

Last Saturday, 23 February 2008, we hosted 19 pairs of Southridge Grade 7 fathers and sons in Forest Club (www.theforestclub.com) for a whole day of outdoor activities.

For three years now, we have been offering unique outdoor games in Forest Club to both schools and companies as an alternative to the usual field trips and team building exercises. Last Saturday was the first time we used the activities for a father son bonding session.

I made sure that I would be around for the activity. Not only because the organizer is a friend from college but more so because I wanted to observe how the fathers would relate to their sons while going through the fun yet challenging games.

And I was not disappointed. I definitely learned a lot. Just by observing, I picked up several insights that certainly would be helpful in my own relationship with my two year old son Gabi.

Many of my observations echo an article posted by Anthony Willis in www.ezinearticles.com.

Willis identifies three secrets to insuring success in a father and son relationship:

Encourage your sons to be problem solvers
This is especially critical if your son is still young, teach him how to solve problems. It's better that he's in the habit of quick thinking when it comes to problems, because otherwise those problems lands on your doorstep oneway or another. If he's still young, say about 4 to 11 years, you instill the problem solving habits thru little games or situations that you come with while the two of you are playing together. This will be "fun" to him and he may not even realize what you are doing at the time, all he know is that he's "having fun with daddy," which is a good thing for your relationship. Later on this will help in becoming a man, and being a father like you!

Allow your sons to make mistakes, not errors
The difference between a mistake and an error is that a mistake is usually made when a person has a lack of knowledge and an unwanted result occurs. An error is made when a person "knows" the good and bad options of their choice and they choose the bad option and get the bad results.

Don't try to relive your youth thoroughly through your son
This is a mistake that some fathers make, especially in the sports world. Don't get me wrong, every man should want his son to be successful, but "your tunnel vision" on "his success" can drive a wedge between you two. The father oftimes are so consumed with the "potential" dollars of his son making it to the "big leagues" or "the pros", that he forgets that his son is a child and just want to have fun. The same goes for parents who push their children academically, but with such rigidity that the poor child, can't handle even the slightest imperfection and feels destroyed. The sports child feels like the fatherloves the game/money (potential) more than his own son! Is that the case for you? How do you handle it?

You handle it properly by letting them be children and live a little. Give them some freedom, because if you have been training them since they were young, they are probably going to do the things you were encouraging them to do anyway. However, the children need room to find themselves also. No one wants be in a career that they hate, or better yet they did it because of you solely! They'll hardly enjoy it, and quit it all together to pursue their inner passions. Find out what their inner passions are early in their lives and incorporate some "rock solid principles" for them to apply in their lives, so that they will be successful in whatever your sons choose to do!

In conclusion, ENJOY the rest of the teaching process, it is or should be every father's dream and life goal for son(s) to go farther than he did. Remember how far they go is a testament to the FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP that you are establishing now! By you teaching them this way, they will in turn teach their sons the same way and because of YOU, your family will have continual growth!!! Build your Father Son Relationship TODAY!