Father and Son Relationships

Last Saturday, 23 February 2008, we hosted 19 pairs of Southridge Grade 7 fathers and sons in Forest Club (www.theforestclub.com) for a whole day of outdoor activities.

For three years now, we have been offering unique outdoor games in Forest Club to both schools and companies as an alternative to the usual field trips and team building exercises. Last Saturday was the first time we used the activities for a father son bonding session.

I made sure that I would be around for the activity. Not only because the organizer is a friend from college but more so because I wanted to observe how the fathers would relate to their sons while going through the fun yet challenging games.

And I was not disappointed. I definitely learned a lot. Just by observing, I picked up several insights that certainly would be helpful in my own relationship with my two year old son Gabi.

Many of my observations echo an article posted by Anthony Willis in www.ezinearticles.com.

Willis identifies three secrets to insuring success in a father and son relationship:

Encourage your sons to be problem solvers
This is especially critical if your son is still young, teach him how to solve problems. It's better that he's in the habit of quick thinking when it comes to problems, because otherwise those problems lands on your doorstep oneway or another. If he's still young, say about 4 to 11 years, you instill the problem solving habits thru little games or situations that you come with while the two of you are playing together. This will be "fun" to him and he may not even realize what you are doing at the time, all he know is that he's "having fun with daddy," which is a good thing for your relationship. Later on this will help in becoming a man, and being a father like you!

Allow your sons to make mistakes, not errors
The difference between a mistake and an error is that a mistake is usually made when a person has a lack of knowledge and an unwanted result occurs. An error is made when a person "knows" the good and bad options of their choice and they choose the bad option and get the bad results.

Don't try to relive your youth thoroughly through your son
This is a mistake that some fathers make, especially in the sports world. Don't get me wrong, every man should want his son to be successful, but "your tunnel vision" on "his success" can drive a wedge between you two. The father oftimes are so consumed with the "potential" dollars of his son making it to the "big leagues" or "the pros", that he forgets that his son is a child and just want to have fun. The same goes for parents who push their children academically, but with such rigidity that the poor child, can't handle even the slightest imperfection and feels destroyed. The sports child feels like the fatherloves the game/money (potential) more than his own son! Is that the case for you? How do you handle it?

You handle it properly by letting them be children and live a little. Give them some freedom, because if you have been training them since they were young, they are probably going to do the things you were encouraging them to do anyway. However, the children need room to find themselves also. No one wants be in a career that they hate, or better yet they did it because of you solely! They'll hardly enjoy it, and quit it all together to pursue their inner passions. Find out what their inner passions are early in their lives and incorporate some "rock solid principles" for them to apply in their lives, so that they will be successful in whatever your sons choose to do!

In conclusion, ENJOY the rest of the teaching process, it is or should be every father's dream and life goal for son(s) to go farther than he did. Remember how far they go is a testament to the FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP that you are establishing now! By you teaching them this way, they will in turn teach their sons the same way and because of YOU, your family will have continual growth!!! Build your Father Son Relationship TODAY!